Next one up!

Well, it's there! And now we're into PART TWO of LIFTING THE WORLD. Go here.

By the way: following difficulties in picking up chapters in the right order - one, late-starting reader commented on this, privately - Granny has put the chapters as links on the sidebar. If you want to start over, reread, pick up on some past aspect of the story - my God who would bother - but you never know - you can just click on the chapter numbers, in order. It was a bit of a job. She was forced into Blogger's new layout system, which needed learning - she learned slowly- and which though easier in certain respects, not least it will alphabetize links automatically, doesn't let you shift them round any way you like: when you try to put Chapter One before Chapter Three, for instance, it obstinately persists in setting the latest input on top. She got round this, but laboriously, and with much cursing.

And now for something completely different; at least for her. Sitting on her desk is a nicely labelled Telefonica box full of the means to instal Broadband. AT LONG LAST. Meaning she won't have to hang around twiddling her thumbs while dial-up does it's very slow thing. And that there will be no arguments when either she or Beloved wishes to be online and the other is agitating to use the phone. Telefonica were booked to come yesterday to effect this miracle. Guess what? They didn't. It may be they had problems getting here as some workmen without warning or by your leave let alone diversion instructions have just dug a large trench at the business end of Granny's dead-end road: meaning you have to go long ways round on not very car friendly - and certainly not mapped - dirt roads to get here. It may be just that Telefonica is being Telefonica. Anyone caught in its clutches - there is no alternative - Granny understands at long last the virtue of BT having rivals back on her other island - will know exactly what she means. When they do finally turn up the likely is that they will take one look at her MAC and run, screaming; WE CAN'T PUT OUR DISK INTO THAT. etc.

Anyway; the first thing is to get them here. Granny is off to ring Madrid, expecting the usual long session with the nasty music they use to keep you occupied while on hold. Wish her luck.

UPDATE. Granny takes it all back, dear Telefonica. Ringing them was, as ever, the hassle bit. Especially as she was forced to transfer to a technical section where they only speak Spanish, and though she can manage a fair amount of things on the phone in Spanish, more or less, provided the person on the other end slows down, computer technicalities are another matter. Turns out...you're supposed to install it yourself; the text message merely referred to the arrival of the equipment. They will install it for you; but you have to pay.

At this point Granny looks in the box. There are a lot of evil looking objects and a hefty instruction book. She looks in the book. Where to start amid the sections 1 and 9, the sections 1.1 or 9.7? Ad infinitum.And oh yes it's all about Windows. Granny has a MAC. No mention of that, despite assurances it can be used. She rings technico again and asks for help. They proceed to offer it. Granny gives up and asks for them to send a man. 'TELL HIM IT'S A MAC', she says. They promise such a man within 48 hours. Actually he rings an hour later. They must pay well - she'll see the result on her Telefonica bill in due course. OH DEAR. Never mind; man turns up. He has a stud under his lower lip and a very new-looking and efficient laptop. 'Did they tell you it's a MAC?' she asks. He looks dismayed. 'Noone has MACs on this island,' he says. 'But I've got one,' she says.

Granny shows him the location section on a MAC. He looks slightly more reassured and connects up. Naturally - it's a MAC - nothing happens; no connection. Man looks more dismayed; indicates it will never work - because - you've said it - it's a MAC. Man makes a phone call - phone contact obviously tells him he's wrong and explains what to do. TWO MINUTES LATER GRANNY AND BELOVED HAVE BROADBAND. After four whole years. Whoopee. Means Granny can get on to YOU TUBE and it will work, instead of stuttering to a halt after a few frames or bars. Meantime she's just happy doing lesser things; a bit like Pooh - or was it Piglet? - with his useful pot for putting things into which he keeps putting in - and taking out - his burst balloon. She goes for this blog with photographs which used to take hours to come up; she goes to that one; she tries one video clip on the BBC. She tries another. IT ALL WORKS. 'Look, Beloved, look what I can do,' she cries. 'Look at this.'

Viva Telefonica, she cries. When the bill comes she may cry for different reasons. But that's quite another matter. Oh - and the evil looking objects which came with the main router? They are all still sitting in the box. She thinks she won't get anyone along to explain what they're for. She has all she needs; putting addresses in; taking them out. And all at the - relative - speed of light. WHAT FUN.